A true conversation at a security checkpoint in an American airport:

Uniformed TSA (Transportation Security Administration) Personnel: “What is this stuff?“

Swimmer: “Lanolin.”

Uniformed TSA Personnel: “Where did it come from?”

Swimmer: “Sheep.”

Uniformed TSA Personnel (with a furrowed brow): —–

Swimmer: “Seriously, lanolin comes from the glands of sheep.”

Uniformed TSA Personnel (studiously looking at the jar of lanolin): —–

Swimmer (meekly smiling): “We use it as an anti-chafing ointment when we swim…in the ocean or across channels…”

Uniformed TSA Personnel (quietly speaking into his security microphone): “Supervisor wanted. So, you swim with this?“

Swimmer (smiling widely): “Yes, we put it under our arms, around our necks and sometimes between our legs.”

Uniformed TSA Personnel: “Has it been out of your possession on your trip?”

Swimmer: “Yes, while I was swimming, the jar was on the boat.”

Uniformed TSA Personnel: [inaudible mumbled whisper into microphone] —–

Swimmer (with a worried look): “We use it so we don’t chafe.”

Uniformed TSA Personnel addressing supervisor in attendance: “He has this white stuff in his bag. He uses it between his legs and it comes from sheep. He left it on a boat and he uses it to…[addressing Swimmer]…what do you use it for again?”

Swimmer: “To prevent chafing. Rubbing. When we swim, we can rub our skin raw when our arms or legs rub against other body parts or swimsuits.”

TSA Supervisor: “You mean like Vaseline? My friend is a triathlete, but this is no Vaseline.”

Swimmer: “Yes, like Vaseline, but it is called lanolin. But is stays on longer and turns white after a while. It comes from sheep.”

TSA Supervisor: “Sheep? So it keeps you warm?”

Swimmer: “Well no, but it keeps me from getting a big cut or wound on my neck.”

TSA Supervisor: “Thank you. You can go now.”

Copyright © 2012 by Open Water Source